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I don't have flex and i'd rather not use bits to program. What's the alternative?

You can use anything, pretty much. Such as using Flash's components or your own. You'll just need to add the magic. SFS bits already provides the magic, and all you need to do is to say the magic word

Thanks! Ok so i managed to do the log in without the connector.. now how would i do the userList and roomList without the bits? do i have to use evtQueue?

Have a look at the examples - most of them don't use SmartFoxBits. So you can see how it was done